yup. exhausted, overwhelmed, and burnt out.
hate to break it to ya, folks, but motherhood isn’t always glamorous. actually, i can’t really think of any time that it really is. but i don’t need to explain myself, because anyone who is a mother is already fully aware of that cold hard truth.
gunner has three, maybe four, teeth coming in right now – one of which is his first molar. excuse my language, but holy fucking shit. things have been a little – okay, a lot – crazy in our house this last week or two. my poor baby is clearly uncomfortable and it’s heartbreaking. i’m doing everything i can to try and put his little mouth at ease, but it doesn’t always work. amber beads, motrin at night when necessary, chamomila tablets at nap time and during the night, lots of frozen teethers and things to chew on, lots (and i mean lots) of nursing – everything i can possibly do. i just ordered some more lavender oil to rub diluted onto his feet and to diffuse for bedtime, along with some clove oil to dilute and rub on his tender gums. i’m hoping, in addition to everything else, that will help take some of the edge off sooner than later. my poor baby boy.
as hard as it is on him, i know every mother can agree that it’s hard on us mamas, too. lots of long days and rough nights seem to be teething’s method of operation. i am most definitely feeling it, and it doesn’t feel good. i don’t want to turn this post into all about “me, me me,” but i truly need to vent. while i love being with my son all day, everyday, for the last 13+ months, it can be tiring. of course there are amazing days, but there are a lot of hard days, too. and we as mothers shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling this way – for openly and honestly admitting how trying it can be at times. this motherhood thing, it’s a lot. on top of being a stay at home mama, it’s a lot. my entire day is spent caring for my adorable, busy, determined, curious, awnry, growing, did i say busy? toddler. i take care of the house – the cleaning, the laundry, the grocery shopping and meal planning and cooking, the appointment scheduling and taking, the on-going to-do lists, the errands – you get the gist. of course i don’t tend to my fiancé in the exact same manner as i do to my toddler, considering, well, he’s an adult, but i do tend to him as well. there’s always clothes to be washed and folded and hung, cooking to be done, lunches to be made, dishes to be washed, etc. all i’m saying is that it’s a lot. and between juggling the mom-me and fiance-me, there’s not very much time left for me-me.
and cue the feelings of being drained, and tired, and just outright burnt-out. i know this is just another season of life and it won’t always be this way – i totally get it. but that doesn’t always make it easier to accept or manage the feelings as they come up on a day to day basis.
well, it’s almost as if it was planned, because there’s gunner waking up from his nap on the monitor. what i was wishing to be a two-hour nap (who am i kidding, that never happens. i would have been overjoyed with an hour) was actually a 40 minute nap. whatever, better than the measly 30 minutes he took yesterday! i honestly feel a lot better just getting my feelings out and written down. it’s like a breath of fresh air in some weird way. and even after the longest days that turn into even longer nights, i know that this too shall pass and even amidst the chaos, there’s nowhere i would rather be.